Breath by Breath

Holiday Haiku ::: 5

Each is named and placed:

Saint Nicholas, Santa Claus

and King Winter, too.

The Peace of Wild Things

The Peace of Wild Things

When despair for the world grows in me

and I wake in the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things

who do not tax their lives with forethought

of grief. I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars

waiting with their light. For a time

I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

 

Wendell Berry, "The Peace of Wild Things" from The Selected Poems of Wendell Berry. Copyright © 1998.

Another kind of interlude

This time the interlude has a name -- Influenza A.  Silas was hit hard January 10th but his resilient little self, aided by quick dosing with 5 days of Tamiflu, meant he was ready to return to school a mere 7 days after his first symptoms.  I, on the other hand, did not get the Tamiflu and am still symptomatic about 10 days later.  Today I recognize myself a bit for the first time, despite the fact that cleaning toothpaste splatter off the bathroom mirror winds me.  But, I showered (!!!), made kale egg salad, cleaned that mirror (!), and walked the dog for a few minute.  I think I'm back among the living.

So, today I am cataloging the benefits of an enforced interlude of mostly homebound bed rest--an interlude marked by broken routines (limited dog walking, piano practice, meal preparing, school and activity shuttling, cancelled lessons and yoga clases) and added stuff (novel reading, Lego sticker book "reading", interminable games of Sorry and Battleship, lots of Hulu and Netflix watching, more football than I care to think about...).

But the broken allows for a clean sweep and the benefits of the influenza interlude are many.....lots of practice in letting go of control, inviting people to help me, sitting down whenever necessary, two good novels read (Elizabeth Street and Caleb's Crossing), detoxing from sugar and wine, inspiration to more courageously practice my art, parenting and yoga, renewed appreciation for beauty and order in my environment, saying "No", slowing down, rebooting my priorities, getting the calendar organized for the spring, etc.

So, I am slowing regaining strength in cycles of 15 minutes on and 45 minutes down.  Slow and steady wins the race, someone once said.

 

Vintage sunglasses courtesy of my mother-in-law.

 

 

Advent ::: Day 11

December 11 ::: A little breather

We took a little relaxation from the Advent business on Monday and Tuesday, partly owing to a mid-season melt down I had on Monday morning after sending Silas off to school.  So, after some tears and comfort, I finished all the hot cocoa powder making and Silas and I snuggled down to homey activities like making gifts for his classmates (limit 50 cents per student!!!) and reading a delightful new treasure of a Christmas book, Dylan Thomas' A Child's Christmas in Wales. 

This is truly an outstanding little gem, full of detailed, slightly askew and very colorful imagery, extremely funny turns of phrase,  incredibly evocative language, and really pretty illustrations.  The book very beautifully  immortalizes a childhood full of an active and very vivid imagination, lots of friends, and a balance between a cozy and predictible home life (complete with an extended and slightly wacky family) and free range exploration of the coastal topography and town he obviously cherished.  This is a book to be enjoyed for many years since Silas and I found different parts funny and engaging based on our various understandings of context and language.  This one will grow with us.

I wanted to extend our holiday book collection this year and turned to online recommendation lists, including this one from the Huffington Post.  So, Silas is soon to be introduced to Cops and Robbers and Horrible Christmas, as well as A Child's Christmas in Wales.  I also scored an excellent used edition of The Nutcracker (the version illustrated by Maurice Sendak) in honor of our inauguration into the ballet this year. 

I know that one day Silas may outgrow being read holiday stories and picture books in general, so I am savoring every moment we spend with Jan Brett (Home for Christmas; Christmas Trolls), Cynthia Rylant (Christmas in the Country), How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Elsa Beskow's Ollie's Ski Trip, Jane Yolen's Owl Moon among many, many others we've amassed.  I have to put a big plug in for Hershel and the Hanukkah Goblins by Eric Kimmel.  This is the very first book Silas asks us to read when we bring down the Christmas stuff from the attic and unpack the beloved box of holiday books.  It has just the right combination of creepiness and heart to soothe a 6-year-old's spirit.

And as for all those school gifts?  A rustic little jingle bell ornament is my alternative to the Dollar Store schlock, plastic doodads made in China, stickers, 150th pencil or erasers...that have arrived home with Silas over the past couple of years.  Don't all kids like jingle bells?  This one involves six bells, a yard or so of jute twine, a little ring and ornament hanger and a grosgrain ribbon.  All it took was time, and I have the sore thumbs to prove it!  Now I just have to individually wrap them.  Yikes.  Couldn't we just do a $10 gift and have them pick one decent thing?  Oh, well.  It is what it is.  I continue to have my dislike of the United States (and Texas') public school institutions, no offense intended to all the well-meaning and child-loving people who work in Silas school's specifically, and public schools in general.

 

 

Advent ::: Days 5 & 6

December 5 ::: Cookie-making for Saint Nicholas & the coming parties and reading one of several books we have on the legend of St. Nicholas.

A special cookie baked for St. Nicholas Eve and half-eaten this morning, December 6.

Salt dough cookies for decorating during the season.

December 6 ::: St. Nicholas Day & donations for Toys for Tots

The Saint Nicholas shoe, loaded with our traditions (gold dollars, chocolate coins, a neighborhood orange) & a little new treat, too.

Super hero meets St. Nick.

 

The Stocking Project 2012 ::: Advent days 1 through 4

December 1 ::: Decorating, Festive Votive Holders and Bay Area Chorus Concert at Villa de Matel Convent

For some reason I have a blurry picture, here, but these are not new.  The stockings were up on time and we're working the Advent joy one day at a time...

Favorite holiday and winter books, movies and our solstice hand-held candles.

The Santa shelf.

The iron tree with family heirloom ornaments.

Experiments with Mod Podge and tissue paper votive holders.

December 2 ::: Trimming the tree & kite paper snowflakes

This is our second year with a real tree and I love it.  Our kite paper snowflake tradition continues with every-advancing sophistication as Silas understands how they work and has greater dexterity with his scissors.  This year's big innovation and all his idea?  The "ultimate" snow flake.  Using an entire sheet of kite paper trimmed to a square, we collaborated on a bunch of these, which are in several windows in our house.  

December 3 ::: Shop for donations, send e-vite for Solstice Gathering and Kids' Cookie-Decorating Party

Our advent activites are focused on making, doing and giving.  Today we shopped for toys to give to Toys for Tots.  We debated over what to get that would not conflict with our values, but also would be fun for kids who might not share ours.  We went through books & board games and settled on Lego.  Lego is Silas' favorite play activity and he has amazing skill at following the "kit" instructi0ns.  But, what I love is how he abandons the kits and makes his own super cool, zany, and often very functional stuff out of the combo of pieces he has accumulated and the Mindstorms robotic kits he has via his engineer Dad.  So, we are sharing the Lego love this year.  Our other "giving" is in the form of monetary donations (which will happen another day and for a specific set of reasons, which I'll go into later...).

Silas asked for a party to make cookies with his friends and I'm always up for a party.  We will be making salt dough cookie ornaments (and a few sweet treats, too!).  I've decided that 6 and a 1/2 is the best age for all this holiday fun.  I'm sure the fun will continue to grow, but he is just so into the spirit and anticipation and is beginning to understand our traditions and really make them his own. 

This year's tamale fiesta will take place on the actual solstice, which coincides with the end of the world/end of Mayan 5000-year cycle thing.  We can't wait.  Where would we rather be if the world ends than at home, surrounded by our friends and family.  Several people (including me) have already committed to sharing music or other forms of creativity after the observance circle and yule log, so I am looking forward to a very festive, celebratory, close, warm and connected evening.

December 4 ::: The Nutcracker & letter to Santa

The Houston Ballet does two daytime performances of The Nutcracker for school groups.  We joined with others to form a group of 8 "home schoolers" and were rewarded with very inexpensive tickets and Box Seats.  This was a first for me and for Silas.  His highlights

::: the snowflakes, which he analyzed via binoculars and determined were "laminated white paper, so they sparkle"

::: looking for the "winds" in the orchestra pit

::: the mice - soldier sword fighting

I asked him if he liked the dancing.  He said, "What part?"  I said, "All of it; the whole thing."  He said, "Yeah."  What can I say, he's a detail kid.  Actually, I think it was all a bit overwhelming and certainly not something we would attend every year. 

After our "snow day" from school, we had lunch and Silas wrote a letter to Santa.  One thing is on his list.  Yikes!  'Nough said.

 

 

 

Spring scenes

Sometimes life is just so very full. I've written before about the notebook I keep of my "accomplishments", big and small. As I review my notes from time since I've last posted, these are some things that jump out at me.

::: Teaching yoga two, sometimes three times a week and growing in intimacy, caring and engagement with my friends/students.

::: Managing tons and tons of financial and personal matters (insurance, retirement, education savings, taxes, mortgage, wills). I take all this on so that I am completely in the know about our situation and have educated opinions, suggestions and advice to offer.

::: Decided to buy a used car and then decided to get energy efficient windows instead. They still aren't installed.

::: Knitted a kindle cover, a scarf for a gift, one sock, and finished knitting a shawl my mother started but couldn't finish due to her arthritis. Spool knit another rainbow garland for the party supply box.

::: Finished stripping and staining our old 15-drawer dresser and another piece of furniture.

::: Silas spontaneously switched from a "join us in bed every night" kind of kid, to a "sleep in his own bed most of the time" kind of kid. We are all sleeping better and I feel great about how we've evolved.

::: Read several books for pleasure (all on Kindle) -- The Paris Wife, Pride and Prejudice, Emma, The Sense of an Ending. I've now tackled The Brothers Karamozov.

::: Read The Science of Yoga, (also for pleasure, but of a different kind).

::: Cooked and cooked and cooked some more. Our CSA is abundantly supplying us with vegetables and we are trying our best to eat them.

::: Sewed some jammies for Silas. Repaired three skirts, hemmed pants. Finished and mailed the last of the Picnic Rolls I made for gifts. Cleaned out the closets and donated all the discards.

::: Started voice lessons and love my teacher. Hard to practice with discipline.

::: Play groups, play dates, volunteering at school for every party and event, hosting egg hunts, checking out and booking after school and summer activities, field trips, strawberry picking.

::: Rose tending, palm pruning, tree trimming supervising, front entry way courtyard tearing down, vegetable garden pot planting and maintenance, kishu orange tree learning.

::: Spring deep cleaning, rearranging furniture, aquired a lego table off craigslist, finally chose a kitchen paint color.

::: Coordinated a fantastic mini-reunion with 3 college friends in the D.C. area.

::: Lots of visits with local and semi local family and friends.

::: Got up close and personal with Alice Waters and Sir Ken Robinson.

::: Said goodbye to the Byzantine Fresco Chapel.

::: First visit to Galveston of this year. Trekked at Brazos Bend State Park, visited Shangri-La in Orange, TX, spent a weekend in New Orleans.

::: Booked our whole summer vacation.

::: Riding bicycles everywhere -- school, library, grocery store, for fun.

::: Flying kites out on the green space behind our house.

::: Lego, lego, lego.

::: Star wars, star wars, star wars (and he hasn't seen one movie yet!).

::: Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter (we are halfway through book 1).

All is well.

In my kitchen today ::: lots of kale, while standing up

The position I'm most comfortable in right now is standing up.   Consequently, my activities are largely those of the standing variety.  Vacuuming works if I move slowly.  Laundry works if I pay good attention to how I lift and bend when moving things from hamper to washer, washer to dryer.  Sewing would work if I had any projects in mind.  Yoga works if I am super careful and don't lay on my back in Savasana.  Cooking works. 

I've spent a lot of time in the kitchen today.  Potato, leek, carrot, celery, and kale soup.  Bread in the bread machine.  Cutting boards and wooden utensils oiled.  Counters cleaned.  Dishes out of dishwasher.  Dishes in dishwasher.  Dishes out of dishwasher.  Dishes hand-washed.  Snacks made for play date partners.  Floors vacuumed and mopped. The beginnings of holiday crafting.

In and amongst all the standing, it occurred to me to share my favorite kale recipes.  Kale is the king of leafy greens.  It is super nutritious, but often not an immediate favorite for everyone who tries it.  There's no denying it's bitter and the texture can be rubbery if not cooked well. Nevertheless, I've come to love it and I've found a handful of recipes over the past couple of years that I go back to again and again.

These enchiladas, which I've made with yukon gold potatoes, sweet potatoes, and black beans at different times but always wtih kale.  And, the kale and potato soup of today, which is a variation on the potato soup with spinach in this excellent book, but with kale instead of spinach. 

I've found, however that kale totally shines in dishes that are balanced by something really sweet.  My husband can't get enough of a dish introduced to me by Heather over at Beauty that Moves.  It has just a few simple ingredients:  carmelized red onion,  garlic, dried cranberries, apple cider, baked tofu and lots of kale.  We eat it just like that, although she recommends it over a grain of your choice.

Before the holidays I happened to be at Houston's Central Market (an HEB store), where I grabbed a small container of a salad I couldn't resist.  I kept the container because the label they print contains a list of ingredients.  Proportaions aren't included, of course, so I conducted an experiment to see if I could replicate it.  I got so close and it may be even better than the original.  It  was a hit at the holiday luncheon with my yoga class and at our Annual Solstice Tamale Fiesta.   I'm going to include this recipe today.

Fruity and Nutty Kale Salad (served at room temperature)

Proportions can all be adjusted to taste and to the size of your group.

Ingredients

SALAD:

2 large bunches kale, stems trimmed and coarsely chopped

1/4-1/2 cup sliced almonds (raw or lightly toasted)

1/4-1/2 cup pepitas (raw or lightly toasted)

1 cup dried cranberries or dried tart cherries

1/4 finely chopped crystalized ginger

I use a pressure cooker to steam my kale, but you can steam it conventionally as well. 

In the pressure cooker, place 1/2 cup water and a steamer base.  Bring water to boil.  Add chopped kale, cover and lock the lid and bring to high pressure.  Once it comes to high pressure, immediately remove from heat and use a quick release method to reduce pressure. 

If steaming conventionally, steam just until the kale is bright green and beginning to become tender.  The dressing will marinate the kale and soften its texture. 

Dunk the kale in icy cold water to stop the cooking process then spin in a salad spinner to dry. 

Combine kale, with dressing and toss.  Add fruit and cystallized ginger and toss again.  Refrigerate 3 or more hours until about an hour before serving.  Toast the nuts and toss them with the salad right before serving.  Add a little more dressing or serve it on the side.

DRESSING (makes lots and is excellent on any salad or as a marinade):

2 TBSP mirin

2 TBSP sesame oil

1/2 cup grapeseed Oil

1/4 cup orange or tangerine juice, freshly squeezed

1 shallot, finely chopped

1 TSP ground ginger

1-2 TBSP Chives

1 TBSP honey (optional)

Chop the shallot and chives.  Juice the orange or tangerine.  Combine mirin, oils, juice, shallot, ginger and honey (if needed).  Whisk or shake to emulsify. 

Exploring the art of happy

I recently read this translation of Anna Karenina, my first reading of this, Tolstoy's self-proclaimed first real novel.  I was enraptured by the characters and fell a little in love with Tolstoy, who was so deeply flawed and human and therefore able to capture the fullness of each of his characters.  He made it impossible not to identify with or at least understand the motives, thought processes, weaknesses, strengths and vulnerabilities of each person, seen in relief against a background of a particular time and place in history.  I can't say enough good things about it.  I was deeply moved by Levin's spiritual maturation and his discovery that he's happiest when he is engaged in the work that needs to be done (solving disputes among his farmers, tending to his wife and son, ensuring preparations for the harvest, etc.).  When he stops to contemplate the meaning and purpose of his life, he becomes paralyzed and overwhelmed by existential longings and questions.  Hmmm.  I can relate.  

The pursuit of "happiness" being a tantalizing subject for me right now, I turned my attention to The Geography of Bliss, which a friend gave me about 2 years ago (sorry!).  But, it's one of those books that requires a certain mindset.  In my case, Anna Karenina strongly rooted me in a grand, sweeping view of human nature as essentially changeless, but expressed in a nuanced way depending on the social, political and historical circumstances in which a human lives.  The Geography of Bliss is the travel journal of a western worrier and grump who attempts to gain insight about himself by sifting through academic research about happiness and traveling to some of the "happiest" and "unhappiest" places on the planet. His goal?  To get a first hand view of happiness in practice from both cultural and personal perspectives.  As I was reading, I documented the keys to happiness that he identifies.  Here's a smattering directly from my notes:

•  Trust (personal, social, political)
• Lack of envy and either upward or downward comparison
• Embracing trying (and failing)
• Relationships (individual initiative, coupled with social responsibility)
• Creativity (at all levels and abilities.  To paraphrase:  You need a lot of crap to grow something great.)
• A culture of selfish altruism
• Belief in...something
• Being useful, helpful
• A social safety net
• Flow...the pure joy of being
• Hardworking and loving others
• Cold and dark yield coziness and interdependence
• Gratitude
• Happiness is 100% relational
• Not thinking too much
• Tolerance
• Modest expectations but 100% effort (let go of attachment to results)
• If it isn't fun it's not worth doing
• Let go of what you can't control (and all you can control is yourself and your attitude)
• The quality of a society is more important than your place in that society
• Everything you do and every memory of you will likely be gone in 3-4 generations, so don't take it too seriously
• Connection to place/nature

I'm now turning my attention from the theoretical to the practical.  I've resisted reading this book for a while.  The genre of "be like me" middleclass self-disclosure memoirs is a bit tiresome.  I read two earlier this year (Poser and Project Happily Ever After).  I frankly did not like either person as they presented themselves and I found myself full of judgments (I'm suspecting a little projection here...as well as internalized classism).  Nevertheless  I ended up identifying more than I thought with their feelings and experiences.  So, here I am reading, The Happiness Project, another middle class memoir/instruction manual.  I thought it would be  interesting to see a practical journey toward happiness and this is what was out there.  I'm 5/6 of the way through her year-long "project."  Frankly, I can't wait to be done.  I'm not sure I've gained anything useful for my own experience, but I'm reserving judgment.  Actually, I can think of a couple useful things...

• Be a keeper of happy memories.  I come from a family that doesn't talk about the past at all- the good, the bad, or the otherwise.  I didn't realize how much it matters to me to keep memories on behalf of my current family.  I don't scrapbook.  I don't record things faithfully.  But, I take tons of pictures, I keep notes about significant events, I blog.   I will take this role more seriously in the future.
• Do what you do.  Essentially this is a way of saying, "Be yourself."  She says this another way, "You can choose what you do, but you can't choose what you like to do."  If you are looking for more happy in your day, embrace the things you already find yourself doing (in my case, yoga, reading, cooking, bringing people together, writing, making things), and mine your childhood for the things that made your heart sing (acting, singing, building spaces, making up stories and characters).
• Your body matters.  Exercise, food, play and rest yield energy, vitality, stress management, feeling sexy, better sleep, increased patience, elevated mood.....need I say more?
• One of the best ways to get happy is to make others happy.  Conversely, one of the best ways to make others happy is to be happy yourself.  Small, daily happiness is actually really difficult to sustain.  At least one person was sainted for her almost invisible efforts at small happiness (Saint Therese, "I take care to appear happy and especially to be so").

(I guess I am getting more out of it than I thought!)

I think I'll turn to the Dalai Lama's The Art of Happiness next.  I can't help but be inspired by a person who exudes such positive energy and broad perspective in the face of cruelty to his own people and throughout the planet.  I had the privilege of hearing him speak in person once and I will never forget it.  If I ever doubted the power of one person's energy to ripple through and influence the energy of multitudes, I didn't doubt it after being in his presence. 

Here's to actually being happy. 

Home crafts ::: bedside caddies

Silas sleeps upstairs and we sleep downstairs (at least he sleeps upstairs until he decides to come downstairs).  Lately, that happens in the wee hours and he's requested a flashlight to guide his passage.  He also asked for a place to keep his flashlight so he can always find it. 

Thus, the gusseted bedside caddy was conceived and formed.  After making Silas's to fit his current chapter book and flashlight, I decided I needed one, too.  Mine is designed to hold all the important things I like at my bedside--book (and now Kindle), book light, notepad and pen, reading glasses, ear plugs and headphones/Bluetooth (who doesn't need earphones to facilitate those pre-sleep viewings of important things like "The Daily Show" and "Downton Abbey" and, if I'm super tired, "Murder She Wrote"?).  [Does everyone else love Jessica Fletcher the way I do?"]

I used cotton upholstery fabric and sturdy interfacing between layers, so they hang nicely without sagging.  Silas's has ties on it.  Mine employs hair elastics, which I hang from tiny cup hooks screwed into the underside of the moulding on the night stand.  Mine doesn't really show because it is attached to my nightstand, facing my bed.  I used the fabric to match the pillows I made last summer.  

All-in-all, quite functional.