I recently read this translation of Anna Karenina, my first reading of this, Tolstoy's self-proclaimed first real novel. I was enraptured by the characters and fell a little in love with Tolstoy, who was so deeply flawed and human and therefore able to capture the fullness of each of his characters. He made it impossible not to identify with or at least understand the motives, thought processes, weaknesses, strengths and vulnerabilities of each person, seen in relief against a background of a particular time and place in history. I can't say enough good things about it. I was deeply moved by Levin's spiritual maturation and his discovery that he's happiest when he is engaged in the work that needs to be done (solving disputes among his farmers, tending to his wife and son, ensuring preparations for the harvest, etc.). When he stops to contemplate the meaning and purpose of his life, he becomes paralyzed and overwhelmed by existential longings and questions. Hmmm. I can relate.
The pursuit of "happiness" being a tantalizing subject for me right now, I turned my attention to The Geography of Bliss, which a friend gave me about 2 years ago (sorry!). But, it's one of those books that requires a certain mindset. In my case, Anna Karenina strongly rooted me in a grand, sweeping view of human nature as essentially changeless, but expressed in a nuanced way depending on the social, political and historical circumstances in which a human lives. The Geography of Bliss is the travel journal of a western worrier and grump who attempts to gain insight about himself by sifting through academic research about happiness and traveling to some of the "happiest" and "unhappiest" places on the planet. His goal? To get a first hand view of happiness in practice from both cultural and personal perspectives. As I was reading, I documented the keys to happiness that he identifies. Here's a smattering directly from my notes:
- Trust (personal, social, political)
- Lack of envy and either upward or downward comparison
- Embracing trying (and failing)
- Relationships (individual initiative, coupled with social responsibility)
- Creativity (at all levels and abilities. To paraphrase: You need a lot of crap to grow something great.)
- A culture of selfish altruism
- Belief in...something
- Being useful, helpful
- A social safety net
- Flow...the pure joy of being
- Hardworking and loving others
- Cold and dark yield coziness and interdependence
- Gratitude
- Happiness is 100% relational
- Not thinking too much
- Tolerance
- Modest expectations but 100% effort (let go of attachment to results)
- If it isn't fun it's not worth doing
- Let go of what you can't control (and all you can control is yourself and your attitude)
- The quality of a society is more important than your place in that society
- Everything you do and every memory of you will likely be gone in 3-4 generations, so don't take it too seriously
- Connection to place/nature
I'm now turning my attention from the theoretical to the practical. I've resisted reading this book for a while. The genre of "be like me" middleclass self-disclosure memoirs is a bit tiresome. I read two earlier this year (Poser and Project Happily Ever After). I frankly did not like either person as they presented themselves and I found myself full of judgments (I'm suspecting a little projection here...as well as internalized classism). Nevertheless I ended up identifying more than I thought with their feelings and experiences. So, here I am reading, The Happiness Project, another middle class memoir/instruction manual. I thought it would be interesting to see a practical journey toward happiness and this is what was out there. I'm 5/6 of the way through her year-long "project." Frankly, I can't wait to be done. I'm not sure I've gained anything useful for my own experience, but I'm reserving judgment. Actually, I can think of a couple useful things...
- Be a keeper of happy memories. I come from a family that doesn't talk about the past at all- the good, the bad, or the otherwise. I didn't realize how much it matters to me to keep memories on behalf of my current family. I don't scrapbook. I don't record things faithfully. But, I take tons of pictures, I keep notes about significant events, I blog. I will take this role more seriously in the future.
- Do what you do. Essentially this is a way of saying, "Be yourself." She says this another way, "You can choose what you do, but you can't choose what you like to do." If you are looking for more happy in your day, embrace the things you already find yourself doing (in my case, yoga, reading, cooking, bringing people together, writing, making things), and mine your childhood for the things that made your heart sing (acting, singing, building spaces, making up stories and characters).
- Your body matters. Exercise, food, play and rest yield energy, vitality, stress management, feeling sexy, better sleep, increased patience, elevated mood.....need I say more?
- One of the best ways to get happy is to make others happy. Conversely, one of the best ways to make others happy is to be happy yourself. Small, daily happiness is actually really difficult to sustain. At least one person was sainted for her almost invisible efforts at small happiness (Saint Therese, "I take care to appear happy and especially to be so").
(I guess I am getting more out of it than I thought!)
I think I'll turn to the Dalai Lama's The Art of Happiness next. I can't help but be inspired by a person who exudes such positive energy and broad perspective in the face of cruelty to his own people and throughout the planet. I had the privilege of hearing him speak in person once and I will never forget it. If I ever doubted the power of one person's energy to ripple through and influence the energy of multitudes, I didn't doubt it after being in his presence.
Here's to actually being happy.
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