Breath by Breath

Celebrating another pass around the sun

Spring scenes

Sometimes life is just so very full. I've written before about the notebook I keep of my "accomplishments", big and small. As I review my notes from time since I've last posted, these are some things that jump out at me.

::: Teaching yoga two, sometimes three times a week and growing in intimacy, caring and engagement with my friends/students.

::: Managing tons and tons of financial and personal matters (insurance, retirement, education savings, taxes, mortgage, wills). I take all this on so that I am completely in the know about our situation and have educated opinions, suggestions and advice to offer.

::: Decided to buy a used car and then decided to get energy efficient windows instead. They still aren't installed.

::: Knitted a kindle cover, a scarf for a gift, one sock, and finished knitting a shawl my mother started but couldn't finish due to her arthritis. Spool knit another rainbow garland for the party supply box.

::: Finished stripping and staining our old 15-drawer dresser and another piece of furniture.

::: Silas spontaneously switched from a "join us in bed every night" kind of kid, to a "sleep in his own bed most of the time" kind of kid. We are all sleeping better and I feel great about how we've evolved.

::: Read several books for pleasure (all on Kindle) -- The Paris Wife, Pride and Prejudice, Emma, The Sense of an Ending. I've now tackled The Brothers Karamozov.

::: Read The Science of Yoga, (also for pleasure, but of a different kind).

::: Cooked and cooked and cooked some more. Our CSA is abundantly supplying us with vegetables and we are trying our best to eat them.

::: Sewed some jammies for Silas. Repaired three skirts, hemmed pants. Finished and mailed the last of the Picnic Rolls I made for gifts. Cleaned out the closets and donated all the discards.

::: Started voice lessons and love my teacher. Hard to practice with discipline.

::: Play groups, play dates, volunteering at school for every party and event, hosting egg hunts, checking out and booking after school and summer activities, field trips, strawberry picking.

::: Rose tending, palm pruning, tree trimming supervising, front entry way courtyard tearing down, vegetable garden pot planting and maintenance, kishu orange tree learning.

::: Spring deep cleaning, rearranging furniture, aquired a lego table off craigslist, finally chose a kitchen paint color.

::: Coordinated a fantastic mini-reunion with 3 college friends in the D.C. area.

::: Lots of visits with local and semi local family and friends.

::: Got up close and personal with Alice Waters and Sir Ken Robinson.

::: Said goodbye to the Byzantine Fresco Chapel.

::: First visit to Galveston of this year. Trekked at Brazos Bend State Park, visited Shangri-La in Orange, TX, spent a weekend in New Orleans.

::: Booked our whole summer vacation.

::: Riding bicycles everywhere -- school, library, grocery store, for fun.

::: Flying kites out on the green space behind our house.

::: Lego, lego, lego.

::: Star wars, star wars, star wars (and he hasn't seen one movie yet!).

::: Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter (we are halfway through book 1).

All is well.

Exploring the art of happy

I recently read this translation of Anna Karenina, my first reading of this, Tolstoy's self-proclaimed first real novel.  I was enraptured by the characters and fell a little in love with Tolstoy, who was so deeply flawed and human and therefore able to capture the fullness of each of his characters.  He made it impossible not to identify with or at least understand the motives, thought processes, weaknesses, strengths and vulnerabilities of each person, seen in relief against a background of a particular time and place in history.  I can't say enough good things about it.  I was deeply moved by Levin's spiritual maturation and his discovery that he's happiest when he is engaged in the work that needs to be done (solving disputes among his farmers, tending to his wife and son, ensuring preparations for the harvest, etc.).  When he stops to contemplate the meaning and purpose of his life, he becomes paralyzed and overwhelmed by existential longings and questions.  Hmmm.  I can relate.  

The pursuit of "happiness" being a tantalizing subject for me right now, I turned my attention to The Geography of Bliss, which a friend gave me about 2 years ago (sorry!).  But, it's one of those books that requires a certain mindset.  In my case, Anna Karenina strongly rooted me in a grand, sweeping view of human nature as essentially changeless, but expressed in a nuanced way depending on the social, political and historical circumstances in which a human lives.  The Geography of Bliss is the travel journal of a western worrier and grump who attempts to gain insight about himself by sifting through academic research about happiness and traveling to some of the "happiest" and "unhappiest" places on the planet. His goal?  To get a first hand view of happiness in practice from both cultural and personal perspectives.  As I was reading, I documented the keys to happiness that he identifies.  Here's a smattering directly from my notes:

•  Trust (personal, social, political)
• Lack of envy and either upward or downward comparison
• Embracing trying (and failing)
• Relationships (individual initiative, coupled with social responsibility)
• Creativity (at all levels and abilities.  To paraphrase:  You need a lot of crap to grow something great.)
• A culture of selfish altruism
• Belief in...something
• Being useful, helpful
• A social safety net
• Flow...the pure joy of being
• Hardworking and loving others
• Cold and dark yield coziness and interdependence
• Gratitude
• Happiness is 100% relational
• Not thinking too much
• Tolerance
• Modest expectations but 100% effort (let go of attachment to results)
• If it isn't fun it's not worth doing
• Let go of what you can't control (and all you can control is yourself and your attitude)
• The quality of a society is more important than your place in that society
• Everything you do and every memory of you will likely be gone in 3-4 generations, so don't take it too seriously
• Connection to place/nature

I'm now turning my attention from the theoretical to the practical.  I've resisted reading this book for a while.  The genre of "be like me" middleclass self-disclosure memoirs is a bit tiresome.  I read two earlier this year (Poser and Project Happily Ever After).  I frankly did not like either person as they presented themselves and I found myself full of judgments (I'm suspecting a little projection here...as well as internalized classism).  Nevertheless  I ended up identifying more than I thought with their feelings and experiences.  So, here I am reading, The Happiness Project, another middle class memoir/instruction manual.  I thought it would be  interesting to see a practical journey toward happiness and this is what was out there.  I'm 5/6 of the way through her year-long "project."  Frankly, I can't wait to be done.  I'm not sure I've gained anything useful for my own experience, but I'm reserving judgment.  Actually, I can think of a couple useful things...

• Be a keeper of happy memories.  I come from a family that doesn't talk about the past at all- the good, the bad, or the otherwise.  I didn't realize how much it matters to me to keep memories on behalf of my current family.  I don't scrapbook.  I don't record things faithfully.  But, I take tons of pictures, I keep notes about significant events, I blog.   I will take this role more seriously in the future.
• Do what you do.  Essentially this is a way of saying, "Be yourself."  She says this another way, "You can choose what you do, but you can't choose what you like to do."  If you are looking for more happy in your day, embrace the things you already find yourself doing (in my case, yoga, reading, cooking, bringing people together, writing, making things), and mine your childhood for the things that made your heart sing (acting, singing, building spaces, making up stories and characters).
• Your body matters.  Exercise, food, play and rest yield energy, vitality, stress management, feeling sexy, better sleep, increased patience, elevated mood.....need I say more?
• One of the best ways to get happy is to make others happy.  Conversely, one of the best ways to make others happy is to be happy yourself.  Small, daily happiness is actually really difficult to sustain.  At least one person was sainted for her almost invisible efforts at small happiness (Saint Therese, "I take care to appear happy and especially to be so").

(I guess I am getting more out of it than I thought!)

I think I'll turn to the Dalai Lama's The Art of Happiness next.  I can't help but be inspired by a person who exudes such positive energy and broad perspective in the face of cruelty to his own people and throughout the planet.  I had the privilege of hearing him speak in person once and I will never forget it.  If I ever doubted the power of one person's energy to ripple through and influence the energy of multitudes, I didn't doubt it after being in his presence. 

Here's to actually being happy. 

Embracing ::: appreciating ::: looking forward

Random musings...

1 ::: Our current reality includes public school.  Ahem.  I'm not at peace about that decision, yet I can  embrace the kindness, good intentions, and positive outlook of the teachers and a few good friends Silas is making.

2 ::: We watched "The Wizard of Oz" in two installments these last two Friday nights (our "movie night").  I hesitated to introduce it to Silas at his young age because I was fairly traumatized by one part of it when I was 5 (Spoiler Alert ::: I was so afraid Dorothy wouldn't get home when the balloon took off, I couldn't watch the rest of the movie).  But I also remember looking forward to the annual viewing of this film.  We watched it now because he was shown clips in music class at school and he knows the songs from bedtime singing, and, frankly, I didn't want him to see it elsewhere.  I wanted it to be a family experience/memory.  We had to stop the movie when the witch instructed her minions to go and get Dorothy because Silas got quite scared.  I am proud of how we handled it.  He made the choice to continue after reassurances that Dorothy's friends were coming to help her.  At the end he said, "Mommy, it was all a dream!). 

Remember when you couldn't watch anything "on demand"?  The anticipation of that annual viewing of "The Wizard of Oz", "The Sound of Music", "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang", etc., was delicous.  He has friends who have seen all the Star Wars movies over and over, among other things.  We won't let him watch them until he can understand the hero's journey better.  Sometimes I feel like such a freak and I worry we might turn him into one. 

I wish we had more friends who resisted media saturation (iPod, iTouch, iPad, Wii, movies, tv shows, computer games all included), truly embraced imaginative and outdoor play, and protected their children's innocence more fully.  When I watch my boy play with his friends, the scripts they enact come from movies and video games.  Silas plays along and is drawn into the power play of guns and missles and aliens and zombies, all second hand.  Somehow it seems worse here in the suburbs.  Is it?  I find little to embrace in 24-7 media/entertainment culture.  I find it appalling that this is "normal." 

What's to embrace?  When you truly want to see something, you can do it at your convenience (I like watching "The Daily Show" when I want to, for example).  Also, you can stop "The Wizard of Oz" DVD when your child gets scared, rather than pressing on and leaving an indelible fear-filled  memory.  Social media can help you reclaim people lost to changing life circumstances, some of which are beyond your control (like being forced to move towns when you are young).   

 3 ::: We are looking forward to a "mommy date" this week.  I am taking Silas out of school early every now and then to enjoy some alternative education/fun experiences and a break from routine.

4 ::: I appreciate the chance to practice and teach yoga with my friends.  I benefit so much from the discipline and preparation and I enjoy sharing a little of what I know.  I value the increased intimacy and view into each other's lives that happens with the accompanying conversation. 

5 ::: Healing is ongoing and I can use all my power to help it along.  What amazing beings we are!

6 ::: Order and beauty are so underrated!  Even a little clearing out and cleaning up elevates my spirit and makes room for more (ideas, creativity, productivity, ease).

7 ::: I'm embracing the principles and practice of compassionate communication and I'm grateful to my practice group for their willingness to learn together.  It's amazing how my view of situations changes when I ask myself what needs I and the other(s) are trying to meet in a given situation.  It's such a simple thing, but so important in easing the way.

8 ::: I'm looking for some fun! 

Have a great day.

 

Home crafts ::: Solstice elving is underway

We will be multiplying the number of friends with children gathered for our Winter Solstice Tamale Fiesta this year, and many thanks are due and offered to the community of families who have embraced us since we've moved to our new home in Clear Lake. Friends new and old will gather for an evening of crafting, creativity sharing, Solstice observing, feasting, and celebration. Plans are well underway...invites set, menu set, shopping lists created, and lots of elving....We have children from age one to teen attending, so a wide array of hands, hearts and minds will be seeking crafty fun.

Here are some previews...

Practice notes ::: gratitude list

Thankful Friday begins again...

::: cool nights and warm, sunny days

::: projects completed

::: this recipe which helped me use up last week's CSA bounty of persimmons and prepare for what to do when this week's ripen.  (I made some modifications, but still totally terrific!)

::: more spaghetti squash!

::: daylight savings time's impending termination

::: walking to and from school each afternoon

::: each return to the yoga mat

::: a short break from snipping, glueing, taping, & sewing and a return to the rhythmic motion of knitting.

Have a love-r-ly weekend!

Practice notes ::: gratitude list

Appreciating ...

::: strength and flexibility (of the physical and mental varieties)

::: simple, daily routines

::: CSA-sourced eggplant parmesean, zucchini muffins, mushroom pepper zucchini fritatta

::: eye contact

::: a big sunny shower stall

::: the birds have finally found the feeder

Have a beautiful day!

Nourishment ::: a day at the "farm"

Dewberry Farm is a semi local institution about an hour and a half from where we live.  Somewhere at Dewberry Farm there is a "working farm", but you wouldn't know it by the attractions set up for the little ones.  Yes, there's is a Christmas tree farm with eight years' worth of staged growth.  Yes, there is a corn field cut into a maze to get lost in.  Yes, there is a flower field and sunflowers.  But, the rest is pure outdoor fun.  If you aren't shy about splinters, falling repeatedly from moderate heights, and getting dirty, this is the place for you and your kid.

We had a blast and stayed up until the last minute.  Of course, Silas focused on the things he didn't get to do:  milk the cow, do a water pump duck race, and ride the cow train.  Here is a sampling of things he actually did (minus all the samples of farm animals 'cause it depresses me just a little).

Practice notes ::: living in a sweat lodge

I am detoxing a bit.  Enjoying the benefits of a pretty rigorous and regular yoga practice and cleaning up my diet, really minimizing the caffeine.  I have a few welcome side effects (deeper sleep, feeling lighter), and a few new and different.  The plumbing system is undergoing an overhaul for sure.  I also have felt an electricity in my system, waves of anxiety and fear rolling out.  Along with this comes the sweat.  I'm talking raindrops are falling off my head, dripping off my arms, soaking my clothes.  Sheets of sweat pour off me as if I were exiting a bath.  I consider the possibility that this might be a first set of hot flashes, but given its coincidence with my dietary and yogic changes, I doubt it.

I appreciate the cleansing, purging, and overall dumping of stuff.  I find this time of year challenging.  I dislike the extension of daylight savings time.  It messes with my natural rhythms.  I'm ready for the sun to be up when I get up.   This detox period feels appropriate to the seasonal change.   I'm looking forward to what the next season holds.

 

Practice notes ::: Right now

Right now I am

:::  enjoying that "wrung out" feeling after a strong yoga practice.  Every cell has been squeezed and rehydrated/aerated and all is spongy and full of prana!

:::  basking in the sound of our wind chimes and genuine breeziness on the deck to cool my sweat

:::  amused by the neighborhood crows' social hour

:::  knowing that my raw veggies are marinating for lunch later on

:::  grieving a bit for Mr.  Jobs.  I am not an Apple product user--never got the habit.  I just mark the passing of a truly innovative leader who bravely and privately faced his mortality and did what he loved until the end.

Have a lovely day.