Breath by Breath

Embracing ::: appreciating ::: looking forward

Random musings...

1 ::: Our current reality includes public school.  Ahem.  I'm not at peace about that decision, yet I can  embrace the kindness, good intentions, and positive outlook of the teachers and a few good friends Silas is making.

2 ::: We watched "The Wizard of Oz" in two installments these last two Friday nights (our "movie night").  I hesitated to introduce it to Silas at his young age because I was fairly traumatized by one part of it when I was 5 (Spoiler Alert ::: I was so afraid Dorothy wouldn't get home when the balloon took off, I couldn't watch the rest of the movie).  But I also remember looking forward to the annual viewing of this film.  We watched it now because he was shown clips in music class at school and he knows the songs from bedtime singing, and, frankly, I didn't want him to see it elsewhere.  I wanted it to be a family experience/memory.  We had to stop the movie when the witch instructed her minions to go and get Dorothy because Silas got quite scared.  I am proud of how we handled it.  He made the choice to continue after reassurances that Dorothy's friends were coming to help her.  At the end he said, "Mommy, it was all a dream!). 

Remember when you couldn't watch anything "on demand"?  The anticipation of that annual viewing of "The Wizard of Oz", "The Sound of Music", "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang", etc., was delicous.  He has friends who have seen all the Star Wars movies over and over, among other things.  We won't let him watch them until he can understand the hero's journey better.  Sometimes I feel like such a freak and I worry we might turn him into one. 

I wish we had more friends who resisted media saturation (iPod, iTouch, iPad, Wii, movies, tv shows, computer games all included), truly embraced imaginative and outdoor play, and protected their children's innocence more fully.  When I watch my boy play with his friends, the scripts they enact come from movies and video games.  Silas plays along and is drawn into the power play of guns and missles and aliens and zombies, all second hand.  Somehow it seems worse here in the suburbs.  Is it?  I find little to embrace in 24-7 media/entertainment culture.  I find it appalling that this is "normal." 

What's to embrace?  When you truly want to see something, you can do it at your convenience (I like watching "The Daily Show" when I want to, for example).  Also, you can stop "The Wizard of Oz" DVD when your child gets scared, rather than pressing on and leaving an indelible fear-filled  memory.  Social media can help you reclaim people lost to changing life circumstances, some of which are beyond your control (like being forced to move towns when you are young).   

 3 ::: We are looking forward to a "mommy date" this week.  I am taking Silas out of school early every now and then to enjoy some alternative education/fun experiences and a break from routine.

4 ::: I appreciate the chance to practice and teach yoga with my friends.  I benefit so much from the discipline and preparation and I enjoy sharing a little of what I know.  I value the increased intimacy and view into each other's lives that happens with the accompanying conversation. 

5 ::: Healing is ongoing and I can use all my power to help it along.  What amazing beings we are!

6 ::: Order and beauty are so underrated!  Even a little clearing out and cleaning up elevates my spirit and makes room for more (ideas, creativity, productivity, ease).

7 ::: I'm embracing the principles and practice of compassionate communication and I'm grateful to my practice group for their willingness to learn together.  It's amazing how my view of situations changes when I ask myself what needs I and the other(s) are trying to meet in a given situation.  It's such a simple thing, but so important in easing the way.

8 ::: I'm looking for some fun! 

Have a great day.

 

Home crafts ::: while the sewing machine is on strike....

With 90 percent of Silas's Halloween costume complete and 50 percent of the holiday stockings stacked up, my sewing machine went on strike.  I haven't fixed it because I'm shopping for a new one (my birthday present from Scott) and haven't made up my mind yet (any advice?). 

While the sewing machine is on hiatus, I unpacked a Hearthsong Knitting Mushroom .  I bought it a year or two ago, assuming someday Silas would be ready for the project I had in mind ::: a spool-knit rainbow "garland."  I thought he might be able now, but it turns out he's not quite ready. 

Nevertheless, I managed to knit this entire rainbow garland using this yarn while watching Ken Burns' Prohibition.  I used two balls, and I have two more in reserve for when Silas is ready.  Destination?  The holiday tree.  Sure, I'm a little early, but when I get a sewing machine up and running again, I'll be off the the races and won't have any more time for spool knitting. 

I must say there is something delightfully meditative about it.  The simple circular motion, that long tube emerging very quickly from the center.  No wonder I enjoyed it as a kid.  It took me a few minutes to reacquaint myself with the process, but once I got going I knocked it out in no time.  The very unexciting Okahoma-Texas football game gave me the chance to finish it up.

By the way, Prohibition is a wonderful program in case you haven't seen it (availalbe to watch online at PBS), with tons of insights applicable to the political/moral/economic climate of today.  The inspiring (if not always admirable) roles played by emerging women leaders was particularly fascinating.

Anyhow, we have a sweet, festive rainbow garland to add to our holiday glow. 

30 Day Vegan Workshop ::: Week 1 Check In

 
I have completed my first week of the 30 day vegan workshop.  Here's a report for my own reference...and for anyone who is interested. 

REVISED FOOD INTENTIONS:

Eliminate processed foods of all varieties.

 This week I used a little vegan margarine, part of a Green & Black 87% dark chocolate bar, and some tortilla chips, pickles and olives, and my coconut creamer.  The rest of my food was awesome, fresh whole and my one restaurant meal was an in-house made chickpea, carrot and nut burger with veggies (no bun).   This coming week, I want to try to get rid of all the processed stuff except my coconut creamer (see below).

Reduce caffeine & sugar. 

I've decided to go ahead and keep my one cup of coffee with coconut creamer until I am ready to let it go.  I added a little green tea.  With the exception of the Green & Black, sugar hasn't been a problem.  Apple slices with homemade cashew butter taste like a caramel apple to me and are my go-to snack if I'm wanting something sweet.  I also know that drinking, drinking drinking water helps immensely!

Lower fat intake.

I'm getting fat from avocado, homemade nut butters and nuts.  I'm not working too hard on this now as I see how my body reacts. I do notice that it's easy to eat a lot of avocado and my stomach aches if I overdo.

NEW INTENTIONS:

Drink 20 oz of water upon arising.

I watched Food Matters this week.  It was a great refresher on so many things, but also a little overwhelming when I look at how far I could take healthful eating!  One small step that I believe will make a huge difference is this little goal of drinking water and assisting my body to process waste products efficiently. 

Eat 3 meals and 2 snacks a day and finish eating  by 7 pm.

I have been grazing like crazy this week.  I think it's been hard for me to know how much of these wonderful whole foods will satisfy me and I don't want to over fill my stomach at any one sitting.  This has been useful to look at.  But, I find I'm placing more time and attention on food shopping, preparation and eating than I want to and it is taking away from some other things I'd like to do with my time.  We are on spring break from school this coming week, so I want to have the week mapped out, so I'm not making decisions on the fly and under time pressure.  

One tiny square of chocolate a day as a mindfulness ritual.

Since I seem to want this (and I'm PMSing this week), I want to make it positive and see what I can observe and learn.  I will sit with my chocolate and meditate as I eat it.  Let's see what I learn!

My inquiry questions?

::: Have I expressed gratitude?  I keep forgetting.  When I remember and when I light a candle as I cook, I love how I feel.  How do I make these a habit?

::: Is this food an expression of my loving care of myself and my family?  Mostly.  See above notes on chocolate, caffeine, grazing, etc.

::: How does this food make me feel (or not feel)?  Most of the week has felt really good emotionally.  A few notable insights: 

    ::: I can always be more loving, gentle and kind toward myself

    ::: Intensely lonely feelings are almost guaranteed to surface.  Sit with them.

    ::: Balancing effort and rest is a challenge. 

    ::: Find and create laughter and lightness. 

::: Do I have more or less energy?  Do I feel lighter or heavier?  Most of the week I had really good energy, if I had enough sleep.  Chocolate and avocados make me feel heavy.  Most other things I ate truly made me feel lighter.  Water helps.  Yoga helps.  Getting fresh air and bike riding helps.

::: Do I sleep better or worse?  Most nights I slept better and my chronic acid reflux abated quite a bit.  I like that!

::: What signs of detoxification do I observe?  Let's just say my personal rhythms have changed a bit.  I have been very thirsty.  My muscles have been shaky after yoga and energy seems to be flowing differently in places that are habitually blocked.  My gut has alternatively been bloated and flat.

Our workshop invited us to address a few other points:

Chewing.  My jaws got a workout.  I tried to do raw things every day and it requires effort and patience.  I have to practice slowing down.

Cravings.  Crunch.  I ate tortilla chips before I  was reminded of the beauty of fresh popped popcorn! 

Biggest challenge.  Not spending too much time in the kitchen.

Greatest accomplishment.  I am so pleased that I haven't been tempted by cheese!  I really thought this would be hard, but I feel lighter and fresher and all the food has been so flavorful I haven't missed it--even as I crank out cheese sandwiches and pizza for my family!

Next week I plan to...Drink water in the a.m., eat at regular intervals, add a short daily yoga practice. Use avocado as a condiment only.  Meditate with my daily square of chocolate (if I actually want it).

Thanks Heather and everyone for the inspiration and community.  I don't have local companions on this particular journey around food, so your presence is so very valuable!

3D Living ::: real life vs. reel life

 
How to begin...During our Waldorf kindergarten experiment I read a lot about media and the development of children's brains.  I read pediatric literature, I read violence and children literature, I read all sorts of Waldorf theory about how the senses develop in children and why 2-dimenional imagery overstimulates certain aspects of the brain and cuts off the visual brain from emotion, results in less imaginative play, and prevents the child's body from moving as much as it needs to do develop the nervous system and habits of activity rather than passivity.  Blah, blah, blah. 

Our recent experience at the Space Shuttle launch gave me a visceral understanding of the difference bewteen two events experienced in different ways.  Real life vs. reel life.  This probably is not news to anyone, but there's nothing like being there!

Silas and I watched the previous launch live on the internet.  We watched the recent launch from 6 miles away.  The difference in the two experiences was indescribable.  The experience of being there...really hearing the sound, feeling the heat, watching the fire and clouds of smoke, being outdoors, sharing the experience with lots of people, anticipating.  It was a full-out sensory, whole body, whole mind, whole heart experience.  It touched me emotionally.

By contrast, the live video on the computer screen was removed and flat.  I was a mere spectator, not a participant. 

The digitization of images and sound are wonderful for allowing us exposure to things we couldn't see otherwise, but they should never be confused with actually knowing what something is truly like.  A recent study revealed that watching a video of a nature scene produced a relaxation response in people, but BEING in nature magnified that effect dramatically. 

We don't really know the impact of all the 2-d or even 3-d digital imagery and digitized sound on the human mind, nervous system, heart and gut. We also don't know if there is a difference between 2-d/3-d imagery of the real variety (documentaries, IMAX movies, live events), and 2-d/3-d imagery of the live action or animated fictional kind.  This is all relatively new in human experience. 

I do know kids who often seem bored and passive. I do know kids whose play seems scripted or programmed by their media habits, whether they be super heroes or vampires.  I know kids who seek to be entertained and expect immediate gratification.  I do know kids who never want to go outside and play, who don't know where food comes from, who haven't dug in the dirt or laid in the grass. Is there a connection that is on a brain-wiring level, not just about habits or how we use our time?  I don't know. 

My point is, I want to maximize REAL experience.  

Reel experience has it's place.  We subscribe to Netflix and use the Red Box for our grown up R&R and continuing education.  But, we have been an extremely media-limited family for a long time now.  Even before we had our son we owned a tiny 13-inch TV that was hauled out for the Olympics, Oklahoma football, and major news events (this is still our only TV with no satellite/cable).  

Our Friday night "movie night" tradition with Silas began a couple of years ago.  Until recently it consisted of  20 minutes of "Kipper" or the orignal "Bob the Builder."  He's seen a handful of longer format movies which we watch over two or three evenings.  We are in the middle of the Cathy Rigby stage version of Peter Pan now, which is available for instant view on Netflix.  But we are extremely choosy.  Even "The Land Before Time" (dinosaurs!) which Netflix placed in the 2-4 year old age category scared Silas so much he insisted we turn it off after just a few minutes.  He's been exposed to a Wii once, and it took us hours to debrief from a Star Wars-based war game.  Nonetheless, it's amazing how much media-driven content enters his play by exposure to other children's viewing habits.  

Sometimes its tough to not have the TV to turn to for some peace and quiet.  But, I feel we are making a long term investment in Silas' mind and imagination by challenging ourselves to find ways of engaging with each other and with our world, developing skills, making art, sharing chores, playing together...that will pay dividends in the long run.  There's plenty of time for media exploration....later.  I don't believe he will "fall behind" in some dramatic manner by not getting his joystick or thumb-control skills at an early age. 

I'm interested in others points of view.  How much media? Which media? Any media? Do you see negative effects in your kids from their viewing/gaming habits? 

Dinosaurs and whales at my heels

Dreams, dreams, dreams....Every so often I enter a period of extraordinarily vivid dreaming.  I've never figured out if there is a larger message to me in these periods of frequent and intense dreaming.  I tend to wake up scratching my head--sometimes amused, sometimes confused, and sometimes wondering.  Two dreams stand out from the last couple of days.

The other night I fell asleep when Silas did (probably around 8:30).  That night I had this epic adventure dream in which huge pods of whales entered the harbor on which we lived (this is a dream).  We lived in a mid-rise apartment on a cliff above the harbor and watched in awe as hundreds of whales danced and cavorted in the deep water of this coastal enclave.  At first we thought this was some spectacular show put on for our benefit, but eventually someone wiser in the ways of ocean-going mammals informed the rest of us that this was a portent of an invasion...a warning of sorts that dinosaurs were coming!  Can you imagine?  The rest of the dream was like a chase sequence in Jurassic Park.  It's been a while since I've run so fast and dodged so many hazards.  Aren't dreams wonderful? 

(Note to self:  Scott and I watched "Inception" last week...perhaps that prompted this vivid dreaming...)

The second dream couldn't have been more different.  This dream was so real that I woke up uncertain about whether it had actually happened.  I immediately googled the long lost friend who'd appeared as a main character on the off chance something major had transpired in her life!  My husband shares a birthday with a good friend of his and this guy's wife and I are good friends in our own right.  The four of us usually plan a night out to celebrate the guys' birthdays.  We were on our way to being seated at our table at "Reef" (this is a great restaurant in Houston at which we actually enjoyed their b-days a couple of years ago), although this "Reef" was not at all like the real one.  Yada yada yada, I saw, seated alone, a person with whom I had a rough friend breakup.   She immediately pretended not to see me.  I said, "Don't be afraid," and reached over to give her a hug.  A very awkward and short conversation ensued before the guys joined us and she made her escape.  Further details are unimportant to you, but it was so vivid and precise in the tiniest details that I can't get it out of my mind.

Any dreamers out there with insights!  And, how are you JC?

 

Houston Livestock Show ::: read/look at your own risk

The Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo is a Texas institution.   Let me state at the outset that I am not a fan of industrial food processing, factory farmed agriculture or livestock production.  We are vegetarians and support small, local agriculture whenever possible.  If we ate meat it would be locally raised, pastured and grass fed.  I bring these biases to my review of the event I attended with my son yesterday--the livestock show, horse show, and "midway" portions of the HLSR. 

We attended the event on a gorgeous spring day; being out of doors was terrific.  We rode the "silver train" (aka Houston's Light Rail) to Reliant Park and walked and walked and walked all day.  Silas experienced his first old-fashioned Ferris wheel, his first small-scale roller coaster, his first pony ride....all rites of passage for little ones that evoked memories for me of Dodge County Fairs in my small home town in Wisconsin.

The horse show was all Western-style riding by young people. We appreciated the relationship between horse and rider and the effort that goes into training and communicating with a horse. The petting zoo was delightful for little ones who have no other access to creatures.  Friday's "one moment" demonstrated the access children had to gentle creatures.  We observed a number of interactions between animals and owners/handlers that demonstrated care and respect.  The farm-to-market area for kids tried hard to demonstrate where food comes from, but didn't use anything real to do so.  Each and every set and prop was manufactured.  I did have a conversation with an extremely well-informed market gardener who was volunteering and I got a good education on a couple of gardening questions.

The rest of the livestock show, on the other hand, was just a bit overwhelming.  I am not well educated about how the animals come to this show.  (I maintain some naive and romantic ideas about high school 4-H Club members from rural small towns and small family farms.)  I know that many young people are involved in the breeding, care and feeding of the animals and benefit tremendously from this work.  I also know that many of the animals on "exhibit" come from factory farming operations where they are treated as widgets.  There were moments that made me want to grab Silas and go running from the arena.

Some low-lights...Dozens of eggs containing chicks were in large incubators in which they would birth themselves without any contact with their "mothers" or other mature chickens (who would attack them, apparently, due to their loss of nesting instincts).  The "birthing area" allowed people to witness the actual birthing of calves, piglets and sheep and watch their early nursing relationship with their mother.  I didn't envy the mothers their public birthing, but I can see this served a purpose. 

The sheep and cows were in largish, hay-lined stalls.  The poor sows, however, were in these awful pens with no cushioning.  (The sow depicted in this photo was due on March 10th.) The sows were confined  without the possibility of movement before, during and after birth.  The pen also kept them separate from their babies, ostensibly to keep them from rolling over on them.  I can't imagine this would be the relationship of a normal sized sow with her piglets.  The lack of human treatment for these highly intelligent creatures was abhorrent.

Some of the tidbits of information, intended to inform and entertain, freaked me out.  These two signs are prime examples.  Neither of these mention the content of the "feed" it takes to produce a dozen eggs or a 30 pound turkey (who can barely support its weight on it's spindly legs).  The signs don't discuss calorie to nutrient density of the "food" created.  They leave out the massive quantities of feces generated on factory farming operations that pollutes ground water.  The signs don't mention that the eggs are laid by chickens not allowed to move around and the eggs are removed from the hens for group hatching. The large barns in which turkeys/chickens are raised deny a living creature's need for sunlight and pecking/grazing.  See Food, Inc. for more perspective on these issues.

I was dismayed by the lack of tenderness I observed as "show" animals, be they cows or sheep, were prodded and pulled around to get them in place.  Silas asked me about the prods and I told him they were used to poke the animals to get them to go where the person wanted.  His human response, "I bet the cows don't like that."  

I haven't mentioned the commercial enterprises whose wares and advertising were ubiquitous.  Many small artisans and craftsmen and women gain their livelihood from events like this, and they were alongside larger "western outfitters," the automotive industry and major agri-business products and services.  Due evidence of the interdependence of the farming, riding, tourism, ranching, agriculture, & factory farming industries.  We didn't go to the rodeo, so I won't comment on that slice of pie.

So, this experience provided an awesome learning environment.  I'm not sure the lessons we will learn are the ones intended by the organizers, but it gives us "fodder" for many discussions over time of subjects like where our food comes from, sustainable food systems, care of the environment, animal husbandry, economics, agriculture policy, nutrition, biology, and much, much more.  Before we go back again next time, I'll be doing some serious homework.

What a day!

Women with tools

Scott and I had a great day yesterday. Something good happens when we have a project to do together and we've gotten better at working with each other.  This weekend's project was building a porch and deck skirting for my parents.  It was an all day project, with another day to come in a couple of weeks, but we got to take a break during the heat of the day to see Julie & Julia, while the grandparents played with Silas.  It made for a fun day. 

Did I mention that I love working with power tools?  My job today was to cut all the wood to size, including figuring out angles for the skirting of two sets of stairs.  I love geometry and I love the satisfaction I get from turning raw materials into a finished project.  Wearing work gloves, getting sweaty, being covered in sawdust...it's so glorious.

Here's some pic's from the day.  I've also included a softer set of pictures from the weekend--my first ever batch of pickled okra, the nearly completed eyelash scarf for my mother-in-law, some play with Silas, one of my newly sewn headbands (I'm in love with these on my unwashed hair), and some potholders I made based on the pattern in Handmade Home.

 

Okra pickles spiced with garlic, dill, mustard seed, black pepper, and red chili pepper.  We'll see!

The yarn is so awful. I feel like I'm knitting something alive.  I frankly can't wait to get it out of my house. 

We haven't found a better toy than wooden tinker toys.  Such imaginative and collaborative possibilities!  Silas loves them.  I don't think we could have too many.  Thanks, craigslist!

These headbands are so easy to whip up.  I usually wear them a little lower on my forehead, but this gives you the idea.  They are made from a double layer of fabric about 18" x 4" and connected in back with a fabric covered piece of 3/4" elastic.  So simple, but so functional.  I want one to where with everything.  It's the perfect hot summer head wear.  This fabric is vintage cotton paisley I picked up at the International Quilt Show in Houston back in 2006.  It's found another home as part of The Stocking Project, which I began last holiday season.  Wow. Will you look at the sun spots on that face of mine? 

  Potholders galore.  I rushed these, so the finishing is not great.  Partly due to my dratted sewing machine tension, which keeps messing me up!  These are for heavy use in my own kitchen, so I'm not worried about it.  I'll do better next time.  The pattern is easy and fun, thanks again to Amanda Soule .